Relationships with strangers, people and creatures who seem different to us -  ‘The Others’

We evolved to live in small groups of 10 to 50 people, this made it easier to know each other well, to feel connected and to feel we belonged. In the world we evolved in other groups were the enemy and likely to kill us or take our food We naturally think in terms of ‘Us and Them’ we are suspicious of people and animals that are different to us and can find it difficult to empathise with them

Humans evolved millions of years ago, and it has only been the last 5-10 thousand years that we have been living in large groups. Cities provide many benefits, humans are naturally co-operative and compassionate, but if we feel isolated, anxious, and defensive we find it more difficult to trust and connect to people outside our immediate close friends and family. When we are fearful, we can feel hatred and resentment.

Hatred is a mixture of fear, anger and disgust. It tends to develop when we have a fear of the other person or group, sometimes we see them as a competitor for resources. In our evolutionary past that was often a threat to our survival.  Hatred can also occur when we believe that a person or people have let us down or betrayed us. Sometimes we cannot accept our own faults and blame them on others. This often happens in couple relationships.

 The Antidote to Hatred is Compassion for ourselves and the ‘Other.’

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.

 Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

We can teach ourselves to think about all people as “us”. Like all processes of the mind the more we practice the better we get.

We can notice and try to tune in to the emotions of others, to understand by listening to what they say with our ears, eyes and hearts.

We can try to empathise and put ourselves ‘in their shoes.’ We can choose to cultivate kindness in our mind when we think about strangers or other groups we don’t normally identify with, including animals. We get to choose how we want to think about, and treat, others who are different to us

We can observe how our actions effect others, and ask our selves if we are actively helping others? Or are we doing things that are directly or indirectly causing them harm? Are we a silent bystander to harm or abuse?

A question to reflect on: How are others likely to be experiencing me? Is that the person I want to be?

"Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and it's beauty." Albert Einstein.

Meditation on compassion

• Sit comfortably, focus on your breath for a few moments
• Bring into your mind a person, or people you care about
• Think about them being happy, smiling and in your mind say the words
  • May you be safe,
  • May you be well
  • May you love and be loved
  • May you be happy
• Imagine them well and happy and feel your happiness and care for them
• Think about a person or people who care about you, they will want you to be happy and well, try to feel their good will towards you
• In your mind say the words –
  • May I be safe
  • May I be well
  • May I love and be loved
  • May I be happy
• Bring into your mind other people - neighbours, people you see in the street and people who are difficult
• In your mind say the words
  • May you be safe,
  • May you be well
  • May you love and be loved
  • May you be happy
• Think of the people in the world who suffer from poverty, war or violence, allow yourself to feel for them -
• In your mind say the words –
  • May you be safe
  • May you be well
  • May you love and be loved
  • May you be happy
• Think of the close people, your self,  strangers,  the difficult people and other animals -
  • May we all be safe
  • May we all be well
  • May we all love and be loved
  • May we all be happy
• Hold this image and thought in your mind and allow it to soak in, when you are ready open your eyes.